Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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