I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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