where does the pee come out of this thing
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize