He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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