After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A+ Viking dick
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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