I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
ttyl tear gas
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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