just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
