Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
