I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
