her vagine was all disorganized.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
