respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
