Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
