Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
