I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
