Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
