my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
