Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
