Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
