Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
