after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
