I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
