can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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