found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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