I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
