I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
