In America we eat man semen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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