I will die if light touches me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
