All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
