You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
