My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
