You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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