Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
