Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
