She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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