When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
