what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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