My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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