you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
