You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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