I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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