id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will pee on everything he values.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
