I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
