There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
