so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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