Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
