she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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