dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
