I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
