He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the day after is always just damage control
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
