And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
