I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
