Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
