Fine. I'll sleep in my office
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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