Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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