I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
