obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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