Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
