a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
