It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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