i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
