I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
