The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
