Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
