I want to make a zoo with you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
