If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
