I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
